We live in uncertain times. Disruption is everywhere. Unpredictability is the new normal and in a
world of constant change who would dare to suggest what 2018 might hold.
Yep, you guessed it, I’ll have a crack! Let’s look at 2018 with crystal ball in hand and tongue firmly in
cheek. In no particular order and based on nothing but wild guesses, blind hope and a generous
serve of optimism here we go……….
1. The word Like is banned from use by anyone under the age of 35, thereby rendering
speechless an entire generation and having absolutely no negative impact in the national
discourse
2. Management rights vendors start providing 3 years financials and pre-offer, full due
diligence access to buyers, causing multiples to hit 10 times and no transactions to crash
throughout the year.
3. Donald Trump finally snaps and hits the nuke button. It’s ok, his advisors saw it coming and
connected it to a trapdoor. The Donald is never seen again although his hair gets a gig
hosting a games show in Las Vegas. In an unprecedented development Kanye and Kim are
elected joint presidents. The inauguration highlight is RUN DMC and the Beastie Boys
rapping the Star Spangled Banner. Like….umm….gee….umm…..like….wow!
4. Banks fess up at the royal commission that they’ve been a bit naughty and promise to
change, and actually do. Finance quotes are honoured, credit managers become human and
no finance extensions are requested for the entire year. Deals settle on time due to
appropriate staffing levels and bank staff morale hits an all time high. They make a few less
dollars but no one cares.
5. Malcolm Turnbull switches to the Labour Party, overthrows poor Bill in a midnight coup and
loses the next election to Julia Bishop. New government decides to make all new policy via
non compulsory electoral postal ballots. Tony Abbot buys large number of licensed post
offices.
6. Someone decides that selling your house, moving to a new town, turning your life upside
down and spending lots of money might not be the most clever first step in applying for a
new job. Body corporates start meeting buyers early in the process. They don’t all get on but
at least no one ends up being declined for no good reason by a crazy committee after
spending a stack of dough and almost having a nervous breakdown.
7. South Australia moves to 100% renewable energy, saving the last person in Adelaide from
needing to turn the lights out. Submarine contracts are subsequently awarded to anywhere
with a reliable power point, India and China win.
8. Motel vendors start banking all takings, agents cured overnight of the need to nod, wink and
occasional twitch when presenting a P and L with a number in red at the bottom.
9. Governments decide that hiding policemen behind bushes is not improving road safety.
Driver training and better quality roads program combined with increase in speed limit to
120kph on dual lane highways sees road toll halved.
10. Vendors realise that presenting a profit they wished they’d made is not the same as the one
they actually made. Management rights industry abandons premise that a 100 room resort
can be run by a little old lady with a walking frame and no other staff. Verifying accountants
rejoice at the news. Mike Phipps Finance boycotted by little old ladies with walking frames.
Volumes do not suffer.
11. Governments decide, after an overwhelming response to a non binding postal vote, that if
its good enough for a dog, it’s good enough for us and introduce voluntary euthanasia for
the terminally ill. Fear of a nasty death virtually disappears overnight and a “live life to the
fullest” optimism grips the nation. Not everyone is happy but no one’s forcing them.
12. Banking royal commission finds that a significant contributor to the somewhat poisonous
relationship between the banks and the punters is a result of next to no education about
finance and the real world in schools. Money diverted from the Understanding Gender
Reassignment Program for kindergartens is pooled with money from the banks and used to
provide programs to better prepare kids and adults for the day to day practicalities of all
things money related. Students start to understand how banks and finance works, grownups
learn a bit as well and disputes start to trend down.
13. The profession of finance broking is recognised as a valuable contributor to consumer
education and a viable and trusted conduit between the needs of the borrower and the
shareholder focused interests of the banks. In the public interest the banking royal
commission recommends that broker commissions be doubled to reflect the important role
the profession plays in the finance economy and to allow brokers to devote more time to
consumer advocacy and outcomes. The banking industry respectively declines to implement
the recommendation. Brokers are not surprised.
So there you have it. I could go on but how deep a hole should I dig? On a personal note Mike Phipps
Finance will be expanding in 2018 with new brokers, enhanced systems through further investments
in technology, the opening of our Hawaii office and a continuation of our singular focus on doing the
best for your clients. Whoops, sorry, no Hawaii office, the managing director has declined my
proposal.
We wish everyone all the best for 2018.